The instinct of children is naturally uncontrolled and wild. It must therefore be contained, be delimited. It must not be trampled on, repressed, or humiliated, but neither should it be left to itself. It needs a limit, a boundary to respect, it needs to be protected even by itself and thus becomes truly free.
In the beginning, it is the parents who set limits because children do not yet have the ability to decide independently. However, they can begin to explain to him the reason for that limit.
Explaining, however, implies that the parent is firm and stable and does not let the child cross the line. In fact, children do not support borders by their nature and do everything to challenge or blackmail those who impose them on them. Parents, however, must ensure that this does not happen because overcoming the limit means for the child to remain instinctive in the wild. And losing trust and credibility in the paternal and guiding role of parents.
The instinct of children must be contained
If this does not happen, it will also express itself in the following years with aggressive, impetuous, uncontrolled attitudes, increasingly difficult to control. Over time, the child must be taught to choose how to set limits and boundaries for himself. He can choose his times and her ways, but the behavior must be ordered according to a purpose.
The child must also know the why and the purpose of that habit he is acquiring, she must know what he leads to and what does not follow him entail. Washing, dressing alone, going to school, and doing homework must make sense to him. Things with meaning take on the soul and become vital for oneself and for others.
Educating to choices, habits, and customs thus become personal and at the same time social. They help the child to feel good about himself and others. And particularly to feel integrated and appropriate to the social context in which he will live.
To teach your children to give themselves boundaries, it is important that boundaries are also present in parents because children do not only look at what is said or done but mainly at what one is.
So a parent who still suffers from a lack of understanding of the instinctive needs of his childhood and is still angry at overly strict parents tends to react automatically in the face of imposed limits. Reacting to the limit is like defending oneself from unjust and authoritarian repression.
This is why he tends to defend himself and also his son from the rules and unconsciously colludes, that is, he takes sides and allies himself with the instinct of the son and with his refusal to be limited.
In this way, the child feels authorized in his impulses without limit, without order without purpose. He feels protected by those who matter most to him and risks maintaining behaviors that lead to more and more social maladjustment, up to rejection and isolation